Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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