Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
