i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
