were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
