Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it because I queefed?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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