So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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