In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
