The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
