You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
