hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
