Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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