I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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