I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
