Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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