i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
