After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
