I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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