I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
