Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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