Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
