We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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