Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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