There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
