If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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