i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
