took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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