Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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