I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
