I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have tasted many bathrooms
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
