just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
