this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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