He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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