I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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