i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
