normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
