I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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