I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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