If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
