I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
