1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
