I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I faked an abortion last night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
