She announced her abortion via fbk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
