she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
