Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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