I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize