Can i not drive my cunt home
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
