Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
