Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
