Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
