found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
