my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
