if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
