Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i think my cat just said my name.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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