..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
