onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
