Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
