well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
