My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
