the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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