hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
