she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
