she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize