Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
