Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
