I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
