i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
