I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
wow bdsm is so cute
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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