She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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