i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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