I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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