I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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