you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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