I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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