hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
