he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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