i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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