porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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