you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
