my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
