you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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