You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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