why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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