How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
