im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
