it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
