I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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