I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
