i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize