I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
