ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize