y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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