I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
