After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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