I am midnight drunk by noon
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
