i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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