How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
