There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
