they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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