Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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