I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
