I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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